I enjoy customer service, and more and more I am finding that it seems to be a particular calling or strength of mine. I like solving people’s problems, I enjoy customer interaction, it puts my “irresistible charm” to good use.

There is, however a flip side to such a calling. The more I expend my social energy on a job like this, the less I feel I have to feed into my friends. Some of my closest friends, well, with them, I can draw energy from them, as a part of the close emotional bongs we have. But other friends, on the peripherals… Sometimes the energy isn’t there to call on. They want me to be my exciting dynamic self, and look at me askew if I’m more withdrawn.

When I come in from work, I wind down. I cook, or I watch some comedy. I relax, and put my feet up. Above all, I seek some form of solitude, because my day consists of social interaction, with both customers and those working in close proximity, and after that, I need to turn everything off for a bit. Which makes me far from ideal company after work, I am fully aware.

One-to-one meetings are easier. I can interact on a one-to-one basis without too much trouble but large-scale social gatherings are anathema to me. Individual personal interaction requires only focussing on a single person, and thus can be easily managed. In a group, my focus becomes divided, my ears fill with white noise, and I can’t figure out who I am meant to be talking or listening to.

What I no longer have is the physical exhaustion aspect, no longer shifting stock as I am. I should be running more often, but as a habit, and as a Lenten resolution, has somewhat fallen by the wayside. I found writing to give me more overall benefits, and as such, prioritised that. I have been standing a lot at work recently. This exerts some of the physical energy, and mirrors the physical side of my previous jobs, to a lesser extent.

I do my best to keep up with people, and to organise things. But it is more difficult than it once was. Yesterday, I was reminded of this. I had three little one-to-one sessions with good friends, and it kicked me into trying to sort it out more often. For my friends, and for my health.

Group work is so different. Group interaction always throws me. I look at social hierarchies, I try to hear everything that’s being said, I try to be there for everyone, and… Bam. Nothing works. I have poor hearing, which doesn’t help. In a group, I get sound from everywhere, and it becomes a mess which my brain is unable to sort out. Occasionally, I can find a single conversation to focus on, but it’s tricky, I need to be surrounded by my closest friends, who kind of know my little foibles by now.

I am aware I have become somewhat of a recluse. This… Well, this is why. Thank you.