She asked me if I’d ever tried ecstasy that night, and I had to admit that I hadn’t. She looked at me like one might look at a child who had never tried running, or a puppy that had spent all it’s life in a broomcloset.

“God, you don’t know what you’re missing. Tried any of the others?”

“Not the harder ones. I dabbled a bit, while I was younger. A bit of happiness here, a little sadness there. I even tried pain once. Not going back there, of course. But the heavier emotions… No, I’ve never tried them.”

Again, the look of disbelief. The look that said “You’re not the man I thought you were…”

Her voice said “You really don’t know what your missing. I’ve tried most emotes. Three of the big four, even…” She preened herself, admiring her sudden bad girl image.

“But… they are illegal, you know…”

“So what. It’s just chemicals. No different from medicine really. And some of the lesser ones – cracking stuff. You shouldn’t try pain until you’ve tried some of the better ones. Wonder. That’s an absolute doozy. You can sit there for days, just caught up in it. Pain – pain’s poor stuff. it doesn’t really drive you. Doesn’t make you alive, not like wonder, ecstasy,  or passion, or even anger.”

My mind was flying with this. How could a nice girl like this be admitting to emomanip. Emotion like that was contraband. Taking it was bad bad business, and trading in it a worse crime than… well, murder. Without anger or passion, there was no murder, really. Trading in emomanip use was trading in murder.

“The big four…” The words escaped my lips in a breath, but she interpreted them as a question.

“You must know about the big four. Where have you been? Living under a rock? They’re the hardest to get hold of. Rage is the posterboy for them, but it’s overrated. It’s not that different from anger. there’s something somewhat fulfilling about actually giving in to it, but over all it’s like a cathartic. Nothing special.”

I shook my head quickly. “I know what they are. I was just… speechless, really. I’ve never heard anyone talk about it before. You’ve taken it, then?” My voice dropped again to a whisper. “Rage?”

“Oh, of course. Hate too. That’s another one that’s remarkably unfulfilling. it’s just there. No real ups or downs. I hear it goes well alongside rage, but I’m not stupid enough to mix them. You never know what you might end up with.”

“What about…” My lips were dry, as I tried and failed to say the last word.

She looked at me archly. “Love?” I nodded dumbly. “Don’t get me wrong – Love’s good. Far more satisfying than rage or anger. Still not a patch on wonder or passion. I never understood why they weren’t in the top bracket. But if you don’t keep filling it again, it feels pretty similar to hate. Some scientist I dated once went on about shared roots in an obsession basis. But that’s all jargon.”

“You tried Love?” My voice was a muted whisper. “So the only one you’ve not tried is grief, then?”

“I was tempted once. They say of all the big four it’s the one that feels best coming off it again. It’s like the opposite of a hangover, and you come out on a bit of an upper. But grief… it’s a pain derivative again. I’m not a fan of the pain based emotes.” She sighed. “Probably should try it, sometime. Just to say I have.”

She flashed her brilliant smile at me again. “Come round sometime. We can take up a bit of wonder, and just… see what happens?”

My mouth opened. My mouth shut.

As she turned, she smiled again. “Well, you know where to find me. Come on up sometime.” And she walked away.