I’ve been feeling very stretched out thin recently. I don’t know exactly why. I’m not under any stresses, My work and my play are going along fine and dandy. There are no weights hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. All in all, everything could be described as somewhat cushty, if one were of a bent to use those words…

Perhaps it is just the nights stretching out again. I struggle to summon up the energy to do anything. I’m taking refuge in my music again, soaring ahead to work on the wings of the Music Man, Barnum, Chicago, Billy Joel. I suddenly feel like an outsider everywhere. And always, behind it, the prickle of unshed, incomprehensible tears.

The worst part is not the feeling itself, but the incomprehensibility of it all. Everything should be fine. There are no problems that need to be fixed. There are no stresses nagging at the back of my head. So, I can’t see why I’m feeling like this…

In looking at it, I know the courses of action I am going to pursue. I’ve summoned back my to-do lists, which keep everything straight and accurate in my head. I’ve started pushing myself to be more social again, despite the desire to sink back into the comfortable confines of my own brain. I am going to start up running again, if at all possible. The physicality of going for a run often helps – forcing some physical exhaustion into the system.

I’m keeping my eyes on the lights in the future. The things I’m working on. The events. The dreams. The madness of impossibility. I know I never feel alive but when I feel I’m doing something impossible. Improv-ing Lives. Quizzes. Other big and insane ideas to make the world spin into place.

And yet…

Sometimes the problems arise when my brain is racing away, with nothing to occupy it. The gear wheels are just spinning wildly, with nothing to use up the energy. I’m sometimes so unbelievably bored in my work, as the same old, same old, spins past. And the wheels spin away, my brain spinning off on tangential ideas, trying to make something, anything happen.

I don’t deal with boredom easily. The happiest times of my life have been when there is something to tax the brain. Ideas, thinking, making something happen. Hows and whats, with real physical contextual results. Good honest work. Something that gets my hands somewhat dirty. It’s patently ridiculous. I hate getting my hands dirty. The physical was what I needed away from, and yet I find my mind pining back for it. It’s so incomprehensible. Such crazy thinking.

More and more, I see I need something crosses my two biggest talents. I get restless if all I’m doing is logistical. I get bored if all I’m doing is diplomacy and charm. There must be a middle road – something somewhere between the two.

It’s rather a boring blog today, I have to admit. Sorry about that. They may not be the words you wanted to read. But they are the words I needed to write.

And now, I’m of to get involved with some thrilling heroics. Good morning.